How to Write an Ethical Will: Sharing Your Values, Beliefs, and Life Lessons

An ethical will lets you pass down wisdom, not just property. Learn what it is, its ancient roots, and simple steps to start writing your own.

What Is an Ethical Will?

When people think about end-of-life planning, they usually picture a legal will: the document that decides who inherits the house, the savings account, or Grandma's ring. But there's another kind of will that carries no legal weight at all, yet often means just as much to the people who receive it. It's called an ethical will, and its purpose isn't to distribute property — it's to pass down who you are.

An ethical will is a personal document, letter, or recording in which you share your values, beliefs, life lessons, hopes for the future, and the stories that shaped you. Unlike a legal Will, which is a tool for transferring your assets and property, an Ethical Will is designed to pass on things like guiding principles, memories, spiritual values, and wishes for your family's future. As families think through what they want to leave behind — not just financially but emotionally — many are discovering that written or recorded reflections like these can be preserved and passed down through Voice After Life.com, turning a private practice of reflection into a lasting family resource.

An Ancient Practice With a Modern Name

The idea of an ethical will isn't new. This document has origins in the Jewish tradition, and Jewish ethical wills are mentioned several times throughout the Bible. Ethical legacy letters also have ties to Islamic and Christian traditions. In Hebrew, this practice is known as a tzava'ah. According to My Jewish Learning, for centuries, Jewish parents have passed down wisdom and values to their children by crafting end-of-life documents called tzava'ot, giving the writer an opportunity to share lessons they've learned over a lifetime, where they found meaning, and what they may want for their loved ones going forward.

One of the earliest recorded examples comes from the biblical patriarch Jacob. Near death, Jacob blessed his children and told them where he wanted to be buried, setting a model of preparation for a Jewish death. As Rabbi Charles Rudansky of MJHS Health System explains, Jacob's example was to get your house in order and begin to convey to the next generations your wishes, your legacy, your hopes, your blessings, and in some cases, your rebuke. Over time, the practice evolved. Modern ethical wills are less about accounting and instruction and more about imparting wisdom or wishes or simply reviewing one's life.

Today, the tradition has spread well beyond its origins. Ethical wills are written by both men and women of every age, ethnicity, faith tradition, economic circumstance, and educational level.

Why People Choose to Write One

Estate planning conversations tend to focus on the transactional details of who gets what. But as one wealth-planning resource notes, while determining how financial assets will be passed down for generations to come is critical, passing down stories, experiences, and values can be just as important, since it's these values and stories that will help guide loved ones' decision-making when you are no longer around to give advice.

Writing an ethical will can also serve the writer, not just the reader. Research summarized by Wikipedia notes that the goal of writing an ethical will is to link a person to both their family and cultural history, clarify their ethical and spiritual values, and communicate a legacy to future generations, and that writing one clarifies identity and focuses life purpose. Some end-of-life resources add that writing an ethical will is also known to be an emotionally and spiritually healing exercise for many people, and can help decrease a person's death anxiety.

It's worth noting that an ethical will is entirely optional. Ethical wills are completely voluntary and are not legally binding. Some people write one as a formal accompaniment to their legal will; others simply want to leave something personal behind, separate from any paperwork.

How to Start Writing Your Ethical Will

There is no required format, so the first step is simply giving yourself permission to begin imperfectly. You can use any format you like — from creative to formal — there's no wrong way to write an Ethical Will. Some people write a single heartfelt letter; others take a more layered approach.

Start with a brain dump, not a masterpiece. One approach recommended by estate-planning writers: set a timer for 10 minutes and write down all the ideas for information you may want to include in your ethical will, and if you run out of time, set another timer. Don't worry about structure yet — just get the raw material down.

Use prompts if you're stuck. If a blank page feels intimidating, borrowed structure can help. Financial advisors suggest guided prompts such as beginning with phrases like "From my grandparents, I learned…" or "I am most grateful for…" as a way to get words flowing.

Reflect on formative questions. Consider working through prompts such as: Who are you, and how did you become the person you are today? What values guided your biggest decisions? What do you hope for the people who read this after you're gone? Advisors note it can help to also jot down any unresolved conflicts and use the ethical will to forgive and seek forgiveness from those you may have hurt, and include gratitude for those you may have neglected to thank.

Choose whatever format feels natural. An ethical will doesn't have to be a formal letter. It can be a formal written letter, an informal note, or a diary, or you can assemble a scrapbook or a collage, make a video or audio recording, create a presentation, or write a poem or song. For those who feel more comfortable speaking than writing, a recorded voice message — capturing not just the words but the tone, laughter, and pauses that make a story feel real — can be just as meaningful as a written page. This is exactly the kind of recording that can be safely stored and shared for years to come through Voice After Life, so a grandchild not yet born might one day hear a grandparent's own voice offering guidance.

Expect it to take time — and let it evolve. Be patient with the process. Be prepared, as the ethical will may not be easy to write — it requires confronting yourself, being introspective, and being some of the most honest you have ever been. That's normal. Financial advisors also recommend treating it as a living document: just as with a legal will or trust, write early and edit often, since an ethical will should evolve as your life evolves.

Where an Ethical Will Fits Into Your Broader Plan

An ethical will works alongside, not in place of, your legal documents. Because it carries no legal authority, specific instructions about property or money still belong in a will or trust prepared with an attorney's guidance. An ethical will is not legally binding, but may accompany a legal will to support trustees and beneficiaries in better understanding the spirit of the gift left to their care. Many people choose to file it alongside their other important papers so it's found when it matters most, and estate resources recommend you be sure to file your ethical will alongside your other life documents, such as your legal will and advance care directives.

A Legacy Worth More Than Paper

An ethical will asks a simple but profound question: if your loved ones could only keep one thing from you besides your possessions, what would you want it to be? For many, the answer isn't a number in a bank account — it's a story, a piece of advice, or the sound of a voice saying "I'm proud of you" one more time. Whether you write a single page tonight or spend years shaping something longer, the act of putting your values into words is itself a gift to the people who come after you.

• Voice After Life.com